Ask me how does it feel
to recall your words any day,
I'll show you how the entire galaxy
in my chest can be held.
I dream of the morning
you'll emerge from the Sierra's haze,
dressed like a mysterious priestess
and the Elder Brothers heir...
...and then to share whispers,
behold scratches of eternity,
spark my heart with your kisses,
cuddling you under the full moon's light.
Until then, the power of summoning you
is burning my naked hands.
Can you give me just a clue?
Is that blaze a part of your plans?
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1 comment:
This is a two part comment:
i) Your use of English has improved but it can be even better. I like the imagery, it felt all Star Wars and I mean that as a compliment (ha, ha, ha). However, I think the rythm is awkward in some places: some verse feel too long and stretched, you may try looking for shorter words.
ii) The first verse seemed familiar to me and then synchronicity made a joke on me/you while reading this. It started playing Like a rolling stone just as I was wondering about that:
How does it feel
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?
Hail to Bob, congrats to you!
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